"Captain, what's that on the horizon?"..."Dude, we're in fucking space, what horizon?!"

Ok, maybe that title's a bit long and maybe it's a bit controversial but who cares right? I do! That's kind've the point.

I haven't blogged in a while and I apologize but between work, blogging and sleep... sleep's been kind've winning... I mean work... work takes up all my time... I mean who has time for sleep! (this is my disclaimer in the event that any of my bosses come across my blog during their effective, time-consuming and productive days here at work).

I've been contemplating writing something with a controversial edge for some time but haven't quite put my finger on what exactly should I write about as yet, hopefully I'll figure it out before the end of this blog.

Gas prices… nah that’s been done and all we do is sit and watch the price of gas rise despite the price of oil falling. I mean, I remember when Jamaicans had balls and we rioted in 1999 and gas prices fell. Here we are 12 years later, the government has introduced E10 that is claimed to be environmentally friendlier and will be cheaper for the Jamaican consumer.

Yet gas prices are through the roof!!

JA$1000 (or approximately US$11.60 - yes our interest rate 12yrs later also sucks) worth of gas barely reaches ¼ of the tank and lasts almost half of the distance of what gas could’ve been stretched to before and we’re sitting on Facebook and Blogspot.com updating our status’ about the price of gas. Kmt (see ‘My Life as an Acronym - WTF!’ for ‘kmt’ definition)!!!

JPS (Jamaica Pussyhole Service)... Yea why not, they've been in the news lately.

Not to stray but there's a point to where I'm going. Imagine this... The government has been giving Digicel hell about the merger between them and Claro (despite the existence of LIME another telecommunications company in Jamaica) and implying that there's going to be a monopoly if Digicel takes over (despite the existence of LIME another telecommunications company in Jamaica) and noooo we can't have that. To be honest, Digicel has been running an unofficial monopoly in Jamaica for the last 10yrs people. Didn't you get the memo?

They've even suggested that Digicel runs Claro under a different name, as a separate entity. How is this going to benefit LIME if Digicel charges $2 a minute to call their other company and $18 per minute to call LIME? Ahmmm, that's still basically a monopoly. 

But the point is, why is the government suddenly concerned about the possible monopoly situation in the telecoms industry when JPS has been running a monopoly on the electricity in Jamaica for the past 85 years and counting?

In any case, they are being investigated and rightly so. I mean I've been trying to figure out how the JPS staff has such great eye sight for years and I'm paying 30gs for fucked up looking glasses and 7gs every 3 months for contact lenses. Just last month I sat in my living room and watched the JPS pickup truck pull up at my gate. This man is supposed to go to the electricity meter to take an accurate reading of my usage in order for me to receive a bill. Or so I thought! Instead, he stood at the gate with his notepad and while looking up at the sky, possibly wondering if it was going to rain (or as I quietly hoped he would look up just in time to catch the bird shit) he jotted something on his paper, jumped back in his pickup and drove off. Needless to say, I'm still in shock at the $14,000 light bill I had received a few weeks later. Especially considering that when it had reached $5000 I started bathing in freaking cold water on a daily basis in an effort to cut back on current usage but maybe I'm just doing it wrong. Funnily enough, a couple months ago another JPS employee arrived at my gate as I was washing my car and I gladly let him in so he could read the meter and low and behold a few weeks later I was beaming happily at the $3300 light bill I had received. 

All I have to calmly say about JPS at the moment is "Karma is a bitch motherfucker! You'll get yours. You'll get yours."

Which brings me to another controversial topic on the horizon (dude we're still in space)... relationships. I've been single for 2 yrs unfortunately. I say unfortunately because I'm at a stage in my life where I would love to be settled. At the tender age of 18 (merely 2 years ago... ok, ok i mean 12 years ago) I had seen myself by now, married with kids, a nice job, 2 cars in the garage, a white picket fence, the works!

I have a nice job now so let's see what happens from here on out. But my controversy about relationships isn't with relationships itself, its about those types of relationships where the woman expects the man to be dishing out cash like his name's 'Cash for Gold' or something to that effect.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for treating my partner like she's my world, my everything. I don't mind cooking dinner for her or breakfast in bed or taking her out to dinner when there's no special occasion. I don't mind paying for the occasional mani/pedi because I love to see, what's it called? 'French manicures' (let me Google that)? Or "getting her hair did" because I know I'll be running my fingers through it more than she will and although I don't expect the thought to be vice versa it would be nice. But what I do have a problem with is the fact that some women expect for the man to spend. They expect him to give her the credit card, the shopping money, the diamond rings and they make it known to him before the relationship even begins. I mean in some cases these women work great jobs and earn money yet they're digging deep into his wallet. I know its a "to each his/her own" topic but come on, women you fought for your independence harder than anything else.

Don't embrace your inner gold digger. This is 2011, being independent is sexy and if you balance it right its even sexier. 

Whew! Seems I had a lot more on my mind than I thought so let me end here on a small and controversial note.

Enjoy:

Yes, that would be me. Am I? Everybody has an opinion until somebody puts it in writing then it becomes a fact. See picture above.